alan abel uncensored?

I was visiting with my parents recently and I decided to do an impromptu interview with my dad about the film, its future and the blog. Here is what transpired:

JENNY:
So, dad. Here we are. We finally have a blog, a forum for you and I...

ALAN:
...to blab.

JENNY:
Yes, you can blab on the blog. But more importantly, you now have a platform to say whatever you'd like. No holds barred. Don't be too dirty, though, please. We may have visitors who enjoy your antics but don't appreciate toilet humor.

ALAN:
Okay. Well, I guess I'd like to start off by saying that the last three years with the documentary has been an adventure. It's like going backpacking in Europe, skiing, bungee jumping, hang-gliding and skydiving all at once. I received the same thrills by seeing the documentary play at various film festivals around the globe and experiencing all of the accolades and admiration that people expressed through applause, cheers and standing ovations. NO amount of money can buy that. You can't. We got it and it didn't cost us a thing. Well, not for Mom and I, at least. It did cost you!

JENNY:
Yes, dad. But it's been worth it. Except for the time I excitedly flew home with a copy of the rough cut to show you and mom back in late 2004...and you ripped it to shreds! You really seemed to dislike it. You guys were extremely critical. You handed me five pages of notes! Do you remember? I was devastated. THEN, less than a month later, I got the call from Slamdance telling us that we had just gotten in. And you were ecstatic!

ALAN:
Oh, we didn't mean to be critical. And it wasn't that we disliked it. We were just kind of wondering if this was the way it should go. Because we have been in a state of stupor all through the years, trying to figure out how to make the story of my life work...we couldn't find 'the hook' as they say. We had flirtations with a few names like Cary Grant and Dustin Hoffman, Woody Allen…and they all expressed the same dismay after awhile when they realized the overwhelmingly vast collection of source material that we've amassed over the past half-century. Literally, there are hundreds of hours of tapes and films and audio reels, plus over 10,000 press clippings, thousands of letters, photographs...all of this stuff is in storage in trunks and boxes.

This is the stuff that you and Jeff had to dig your way through and figure out not so much what to use...but what not to use! And that's a problem. But you guys did it!

JENNY:
What would you like to tell everyone?

ALAN:
Mom and I are going to do a documentary on you called 'Daughter Dearest.' What you and Jeff did was a magnificent embarrassment. By that, I mean you photographed everything. We let it all hang out and you caught every nuance. The camera was above us, in front of us, behind us. I thought I was getting a colonoscopy for crying out loud!

JENNY:
Yes, dad. I know that's your favorite joke. But remember, I wanted to give people a true glimpse into the weird lives of the Abels! This included showing a shot of you sitting there in your underwear. Let's all be glad that I didn't include the scene where you mooned me. But let's get serious. Where do we go from here?

ALAN:
I think there should be a sequel! ABEL RAISES CAIN part 2. You can use all of the material that you weren't able to fit into part 1 and you can include the stuff that even I have forgotten about. You could easily have another 80-minute documentary.

JENNY:
We'll see about that, dad. I don't know if I'm ready for another ten-year project. I was actually wondering what you think about the larger picture.

ALAN:
Oh. Well, I think we should get a divorce from one another and go our separate ways...find another family to adopt us. You go with one family. I'll go with another. And then five years later, we can meet up and find out how everything is going.

You know, we actually could have sold you when you were six months old. At that time, the going price for a baby was $40,000. But we thought about it for 4 or 5 minutes and decided to keep you. And in retrospect, we're glad we did. It worked out quite well. Although we could have used the money at that time!

I think that our future lies in remaining creative...not looking back, not worrying or agonizing over what could have or should have been. We want to dig out the trunk full of ideas that we have been collecting over the years and bring them to life...funny ideas that would still live today.

JENNY:
I know that you and mom are enjoying this renewed interest in your work. Isn't it surreal to see your life flash before you on the big screen?

ALAN:
It is surreal. I think...Who is this guy? How did he do all this stuff? Wait, did I do all this stuff? Oh, I couldn't have been so brazen to pull off these stunts. How could I have ever pulled that off?

I've seen screenings of ABEL RAISES CAIN 50 or 60 times. I look forward to every screening because every audience is different. It's kind of like doing a show on Broadway. Going out there like it's the first show, hearing people laughing and applauding...and doing a Q&A after the screening, which is a favorite task of mine...is very exhilarating and it's very gratifying. And there is more to come, because the documentary has great legs.

JENNY:
You have great legs.

ALAN:
No I don't. My legs give out.

JENNY:
Do you have anything else you want to say?

ALAN:
Everybody should really obtain the DVD! Is that okay, can I plug it? Go to abelraisescain.com and you'll find...

JENNY:
But people already found us through abelraisescain.com!

ALAN: Okay. Well, then scratch that last part. No, I don't have any final things to say, except...Are you ever going to get a life?

JENNY:
Very funny, dad. How about 'Up Yours?'

ALAN:
No, I would never say that in the blog. People can misinterpret these things and we don't want that.

JENNY:
Well, you're going to be uncensored in this blog. You're allowed to let it all hang out, just like in the documentary...figuratively and literally!